No matter how old I become, when I think of myself in relation to the people I went to school with, I still see us all as idiotic 17-year-olds. It’s only with hindsight that you really appreciate how clueless you were as a teenager and how wise your parents and teachers were. I still try and find out what the people in my year are up to, either through Facebook or Friends Reunited, but ultimately I’ve lost touch with almost everyone. Every now and then, however, I find out that someone has gone on to do something interesting.

Tom Payne was a kid I never had any ill feeling toward except one time when he accidentally ran into me and smacked me in the head. He was always in the school plays and you could tell from an early age that acting was his thing. According to Wikipedia, Tom is now best known for playing Brett Aspinall in the TV show Waterloo Road. He’s also been in Skins, Casualty and Gossip Girl. I heard that he had been to Hollywood and filmed a part for a movie.

Another Tom, Tom Knights, stood out because he had ginger hair. Thinking back to my school days, I really have no idea what he was like. I think he was quite popular and I remember that at one point (about 14 years old or so) he had a very pretty girlfriend. Tom Knights has now become some sort of electro-cyber-indie punk. He’s a musician, a model and a photographer. He goes by the name The Knight and he’s made a lot of music, although I’ve no idea how popular he is. He’s a fashion photographer, which isn’t my cup of tea, but his pictures are interesting.

Other than these two, the brother of one of my best friends has become a professional poker play. I could see that one becoming because he was always playing PS2 online.

It’s only natural that you compare yourself with the people you grew up with, even if you didn’t really know them at the time. I don’t imagine that many people form my year know what I am doing or have any idea where I am. If someone were to ask me what I do I’m not sure I’d have an answer, especially in light of my move next week.

I haven’t even paid my student loan back next, speaking of which, I’ve decided that I’m going to set up some sort of monthly payment to start clearing that massive debt.

I once fare-dodged my way from Bath to London. My friend Elliot and I spent several hours hopping on and off trains, hiding in toilets, and using our cellphones to outwit the ticket conductor. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my early life.

There’s an age-old rumour that if you stay out of the UK for seven years, your student loans gets wiped clean. I looked into this rumour about two years ago and found out that it’s actually completely false. The student loan can only be wiped, according to the UK’s Student Loans Company, in the event of death or if you make it to pensioner status and still haven’t finished paying it back. I’m hoping for the latter.

I’m kidding, of course. I would love to be able to pay my student loan back, but based on the salary I earn in Thailand, I don’t even qualify to make the minimum payments as outlined in my contract with the Student Loans Company. I have a massive debt of something like £12,000 hanging over me. Every year I receive a letter asking me where I’m working and living and every year I end up with another 12-month grace period.

The big question is: When will I be able to pay my student loan back? This horrible debt continues to amass interest and is a stark reminder that all those days spent as a carefree student came at a price. When I graduated, I found myself with no money. I was actually about £1,600 overdrawn. Being a fresh graduate, I really didn’t care.

I’ve been told that the American system with regards to student loans is much less forgiving and that repayments are mandatory, regardless of how much money you earn or where you are working.

I had been living under the assumption that one day I would net an amazing job and from that point on I wouldn’t have to worry about my student loan. And yet here I am, four years after finishing university and not quite able to say I’m working my dream job.

There’s no way I can be the only expat in this situation. I suspect that most of the expats here around a certain age have some sort of debt following them everywhere they travel. Heck, I’m sure that escaping debt is the reason why some people come here in the first place.

My biggest fear is that I will receive a letter informing me that my student loan has been turned over to another loan company. That would spell major trouble as the new firm would not be as forgiving as the Student Loans Company. There is also the possibility of being served up a court order and having to pay the debt in one lump sum. However, this is usually reserved for people who fail to make payments and earn above £15,000.

At the moment I’m giving some serious thought with regards to what to do about my student loan.

Image credit.

Major sporting events are a big test for expats around the globe. As the world gears up to watch their countries’ top athletes, expats are left in the wilderness, unsure where their affiliation lies. Is it with their country of birth or their country of residence? It’s a trivial matter, but it shows what stage of his or her life an expat is at.

The Olympics have been on for about a week now and the regardless of what you think about China, the show has been spectacular. From the extravagant opening ceremony through to the dominance of the US basketball team and the menacing force of Usain Bolt, there’s so much to spark an interest in even the most casual of viewer.

I’ve found it hard to get excited about the British athletes, which is in stark contrast to Games of the past. I think it was in Barcelona ’92 when we had Linford Christie, Sally Gunnell, Roger Black, Chris Boardman and Kriss Akabusi flying the GB flag. We don’t even have characters such as Steve Backley or Jonathan Edwards any more. Those were exciting athletes. Fast forward 16 years and the bottom has fallen out of British athletics.

I’m more excited watching the Thai and Chinese athletes. I enjoy watching the Chinese athletes because it’s great to see sport transcend the problems that nations have with each other. I like to see the Chinese do well because the athletes are not the root of China’s problems.

As for the Thais, they’re not exactly my countrymen, but I’m more interested in them than the Brits. It’s a shame because patriotism is one of the only elements of British society that can bring people together.

Who are you cheering for in the Beijing Olympics?

There comes a point for most of expats when they realise that they’re not going home. I don’t know when it happened for me, but there must have been a point when I decided that I would spend most of the rest of my life outside of my home country. What is the difference between someone who travels and then returns home compared with someone who simply leaves, never to return?

This has been bothering me a little recently because I have a lot of friends in the UK who have traveled for extended periods, often multiple times, and I’ve always expected them to enjoy themselves so much that they don’t want to return home. But they do. They always return home and they always go back to how things were before they traveled.

As an expat, I don’t want to return to my home country because I see no reason to. I can work in any country I want and study if I need to. Although I am proud to be British, I’m not so attached to my place of birth that I want to stay there.

I didn’t always think this way, however. About four years ago, I had 800 pounds left of my overdraft and I was living in a house without paying any rent thanks to a dippy landlord who I don’t think ever realized I lived there. I planned to fly to Thailand and stay for as long as 800 pounds would last me, which I predicted would be about one month.

This was also the time of my life when I was kind of reckless. It took one moment of clarity to realize that I couldn’t be a student forever. I started working 60-hour weeks and saved some money. I then formulated my seven-month traveling plan, still intending to return home, but keeping in the back of my mind the thought that I might never go back. I told a few people that I might not be coming back and they just laughed at the idea. Everybody expected that I would return.

For several months after I arrived in Thailand, I sent mass emails back home, detailing my life and the things I had been up to. I hate receiving this type of email and I rarely read them, no matter whom they are from, but I wrote my own nonetheless. The number of people who replied to these emails gradually decreased over time and I eventually realized that the emails were pointless, even for me.

I think the moment I decided to stop sending those emails was the moment I knew I would not be going back. It’s a strange feeling, being out here while most of the people you grew up with are so far away. You lose touch with people and you start to wonder if they even remember you. I’m still in contact with people from the UK, but there are some whom you can’t help but drift apart from.

So here’s to life as an expat.

There’s something strange about sleep, particularly during an illness. Having a fever produces some of the most curious, often disturbing thoughts you are ever likely to have. I got home from work at about 9 pm and just kind of collapsed, putting off plans for a freelance project about a property development that I know nothing about – “Just make it up,” they said.

I fell asleep in the knowledge that I should really get this project finished, but my aching body needed rest. For several hours I slept, descending into an altered world of confusing visions. In my fever I concocted great plans for taking over the world and devised a way to complete my freelance project using my mind alone, eliminating the need to actually do any work.

Such great ideas seem so vividly possible when you’re feverish, but once you rise up out of that sleep the realities of life return.

When I was younger, having a fever was a horrible experience. As I would lie in my bed trying to sleep, I was plagued by incessant visions of random images and sounds, and even songs. There was one time when Madonna’s “Erotica” repeated itself in my mind over and over and over to the point where I couldn’t stand it.

Another time while on holiday in the South of France I awoke delirious, convinced that I had caused a large number of people to die in a plane crash. So utterly distraught at having caused such a disaster, I walked around in a state of utter confusion until eventually my fever wore off. The fear that crossed over from sleep into the waking world was so powerful that I could never forget it.

What strange thoughts have crossed your mind during sleep?

Techno’ tags: Sleep, Dreams