Each morning as I walk along the sidewalk towards Victory Monument I feel underwhelmed by the lack of surprises. Strolling around Silom late at night and I’m neither titillated nor interested. I even ended up in Saphan Kwai recently; again, nothing really grabbed my attention. A deranged American man once told me: “Matt, you could live here for 100 years, but every day you’ll see something that surprises you.”

This was the same man who told me that all farang males in Thailand have a sexual encounter with a ladyboy at some point. Well, my estranged Mississippian friend, I’m not surprised anymore, and I haven’t been here for 100 years. Does there ever come a point at which you find yourself numb to this place? Sheesh, I can’t even remember what it’s like to date a white girl.

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This is my girlfriend and I during our weekend in the horse city of Hua Hin.

It’s true, there’s a sucker out there just waiting to be matched to a young Thai princess. The Land of Smiles is officially the last resting place of the hopeless and the failed, and I would probably go so far as to include myself in that generalization in some shape or form.

A report, in the Associated Press no less, had this to say in reference to the apparent surge in popularity Thai dating services have received:

“When John Thompson's second marriage plummeted into divorce, the 49-year-old Hawaiian graphic designer had doubts he would ever meet the right American woman.

“On an impulse, while vacationing in Thailand, he signed up with Sweet Singles, a company that promised unlimited introductions to eligible Thai women.

“A year later, he married a 23-year-old Thai factory worker who could barely speak English, which had forced him to bring along a dictionary on their dates.”

I don’t normally expect to see this kind of story from the Associated Press, and it isn’t anything new, but I thought it really did sum up something about Thailand and the multitude of odd couples that line the streets.

I just returned from Hua Hun. It’s a city where there are very few Thai people. It’s mostly washed up jellyfish, galloping horses, dead fish lining the seafront, fat white people and buxom bar girls. The beach is rather putrid and the city feels completely devoid of life.

There are plenty of bars though, and with bars there are bar girls, each hoping to meet a rich sucker.

Say all you want about Isaan girls and their neighbours, but they certainly are cunning. I don’t have a problem with them as such, but it does seem rather farcical that some lovers, as it were, put up this ‘coupley’ front as if to justify their actions amid a world of doubters.

“A 2005 research paper by Rattana Boonmathaya of Bangkok's Mahidol University focused on a village in northeastern Thailand where one-third of the 330 women aged 20 to 59 had chosen to marry a foreigner. Ninety-six percent of them had Swiss husbands,” again from the Associated Press today.

What is it about Swiss guys? I must have missed something there.

“Tai insisted her decision to marry Thompson had nothing to do with improving her finances.”

She sounds like a sweetheart. I only hope I will be so lucky as to meet someone as good as her. Who doesn’t speak English. And uses an online dating service.

Techno’ tags: Dating, Love, Bangkok, Thailand, Life, Girls

This is the first Lost Boy column that appeared in Guru Magazine in April 2006.

The Lost Boy has an aim, and that aim is to fearlessly delve into the crevice of confusion between the world of the Farang and the world of the Thai. From the point of view of a confused, bemused and occasionally abused Farang boy, each week the most pressing and concerning issues will be dealt with in an attempt to bridge some sort of understanding between all parties living in Bangkok. The vast array of things in this city that confuse our poor, lost boy can surely serve to help us understand each other better, or at least highlight the reasons why we are so startlingly different.

Obsession – a fragrance for a man or a woman

The Lost Boy sets out to discover what’s up with love in The City of Angels

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