What’s it like dating white girls?
Each morning as I walk along the sidewalk towards Victory Monument I feel underwhelmed by the lack of surprises. Strolling around Silom late at night and I’m neither titillated nor interested. I even ended up in Saphan Kwai recently; again, nothing really grabbed my attention. A deranged American man once told me: “Matt, you could live here for 100 years, but every day you’ll see something that surprises you.”
This was the same man who told me that all farang males in Thailand have a sexual encounter with a ladyboy at some point. Well, my estranged Mississippian friend, I’m not surprised anymore, and I haven’t been here for 100 years. Does there ever come a point at which you find yourself numb to this place? Sheesh, I can’t even remember what it’s like to date a white girl.
Dating Thai girls presents its fair share of unique situations. In the very first Lost Boy column I showed how wet behind the ears I was:
How can so many people in Thailand fall in love so deeply, so fast and so frequently? Furthermore, what is it about this love that drives Thai people to become so utterly and helplessly obsessed with their victims? There is clearly a fascination with the Western man (and woman). Thai pop culture emulates and mimics that of the West, foreigners are stared at as if from another planet and, from time to time, fascination becomes infatuation which in turn becomes insane obsession.
It’s come full circle now, as here I am hooked on the omnipotent entity that is the Thai Girl. There’s just something about her, and no doubt she’s the reason why there are so many of us hapless farang males out here. I don’t remember falling in love every day when I was in the UK, neither do I remember seeing so many girls with such sexual authority (or is this just a figment of my imagination?). I don’t meet an abundance of white girls on my travels around the city, but those I do meet I regard with a curiosity that is difficult to explain. I haven’t considered the possibility of dating a Western girl for some time, which leaves me worried that I may have forgotten what the opposite sex from back home is like.
What concerns me is that when I leave Thailand, I will struggle to ever look at girls in the same way. I’m unsure how the whole dating game would work now, and I might find myself left on the shelf indefinitely. How do Western girls think?
“It’s completely different being a foreign girl here than being a man,” said a female friend of mine a few weeks ago. I can imagine this being true. How must it feel to be a woman, to move to Bangkok, to have your sexual identity all but removed, and to see your countrymen’s attention shift to the Thai Girl? The smooth, brown body, the wanting, seductive eyes, the innocent, inviting face. Farang women have to compete with that every day. They no longer have a hold over our malleable minds. It’s a real shift in the balance.
It sounds terrible, but I honestly don’t think I will be able to look at farang girls in the same way for a long time. Perhaps it’s the relative novelty of the Thai Girl, or maybe it’s just the way life out here for a farang male. I know that if I was walking around the streets of Sheffield, I wouldn’t be able to smile sweetly at every pretty girl I see; I’d be labeled a pervert. I couldn’t gaze into the eyes of the girls at 7-Eleven to force them to make eye contact and burst into fits of uncontrollable hysterics. I wouldn’t be able to walk around with the vague confidence that comes with being different, because I would be just another guy. In reality, I would perhaps feel like the Western woman does in Thailand: Small potatoes.
That’s the appeal of a place like Bangkok: It’s easy to fall under the illusion that you are somebody, when in reality you are not. But it goes beyond this. Can you ever get so used to being in Thailand that there is no such thing as going back “home”?
There are other situations that I would be unsure how to act in. Getting a taxi would be one. It’s become second nature to hail a cab with that camp, downward wave that is customary. But taxi drivers back home, they just go where you ask them, don’t they? There is none of the bartering, none of the struggle to persuade the driver that he should go to your destination of choice. I’m not even sure what I’d say to a taxi driver in the UK. “Go. Barber Road. Yes?” It doesn’t have such an elegant ring to it.
Ordering food and drinks might also prove to be a stumbling block. The idea of going to the bar is somehow alien here, and I might get a punch in the face for waving a barman over for table service. With the habits I have picked up I might be seen as rude back home. A quick nod as a way to say “thank you” will not get you very far in the Land of Table Manners.
And the noises. Oh, the noises! I find myself regularly making a succession of “Aows” and “Ois” and “Errs” and “Oooohs” without thinking. People will assume I’m insane. And then there’s the pigeon-English I find myself using uncontrollably. “I think it’s not good Mr. Blair be prime minister.” Even when I’m talking to someone with sound English proficiency, I can’t help but reorder my words into this bizarre format. It’s like a universal way of being understood, but it sounds silly.
The worst thing is that I can’t remember how to cook. It’s been so long since I made a lasagna, a bolognaise, fajitas, or a roast dinner. I wouldn’t have the faintest idea where to start now. Eating out every day is fab, but the return to self sufficiency will be a challenge.
So what is it like to date white girls? I can’t for the life of me remember. At some point I am going to need to get reacquainted, but I am sure I will miss the quirks of the Thai Girl. There’s nobody on earth quite like her.
Addendum: Apparently this article has made me an enemy to all women. That wasn’t exactly what I had had in mind. You can read about it here. For whatever reason I now have a crusade against me because I smile at girls and prefer the Asian demeanour and look to that of the Western. So shoot me.
Techno’ tags: Dating, Bangkok, Thailand, Thai girls
March 7th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Its one hell of an adjustment, girls, culture, life in general.
You will compare everything to Thailand and more than likely it wont measure up.
Stay there as long as you possibly can. I kick myself daily for leaving.
March 7th, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Good thing you found a great one. If you know what a regular Thai girl that Thai guys are into is really like, it will drive you out of the country..
March 8th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Being white AND married, what shall I say? I get treated like royalty here and get LOTS of looks. haha I’d find it hard to go back to Switzerland and NOT be noticed. You sort of get used to it haha
March 8th, 2007 at 1:47 am
I’ve never quite understood the facination with Thai women. After nearly eight years in total I still prefer western girls, apart from my wife of course (ouch), who looks more Chinese than Thai.
Out of all Asian women I think the Japanese are probably the most compatible for western men, and they’re very sexy (IMHO).
March 8th, 2007 at 4:52 am
I completely agree with the fact that it’d be difficult to go back to farang land other than for short vacations (and yes, people tell me I’m rude when I go there in restaurants, bars, and even friends home).
But after four years here I’m still surprised often enough, in fact almost every time I see my Thai friends there is something that I won’t understand, and sometimes find stupid.
March 9th, 2007 at 5:49 am
On the flip side, if I have to date all over again (not any time soon since I’m married to a white boy and all), I wouldn’t know how to date a Thai guy either.
Once you find what you like, it’s hard to go back. :)
March 9th, 2007 at 6:26 am
As long as you remain aware of reality, I should stay here. Once you start to believe that you a some sort of minor God, it’s time to leave. The saddest farang men I think are the ones who have started to believe their own publicity.
Anyway, as I see you have now drawn the attentions of Keith Summers, you may have to leave soon!
March 9th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
You mean I’m not actually that good-looking?
Seriously, I agree with L Poacher that reality is an important commodity in this hallucinagenic paradise. However, the thought of returning to Farangland fills me with a sense that I will forever be “missing” something that I had in Thailand.
There is no doubt that standing out from the crowd, whether being discrimated against positively or negatively, is much more interesting than being ignored.
March 10th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
I’ve always been in between worlds, western and Asian, and that makes me a novelty wherever I go, even India, where my fair skin and mixed look get me more attention than I can handle. Living in the states , I’ve realized that people’s lives are just very compartmentalized; there’s a very specific time and place for ogling and sexuality and socializing. During work or grocery shopping or driving or any of the other mundane activities that take up 99& of the day, people more or less act like soulless robots and barely acknowledge each other’s existence. This is not the case in Asia. Life, love, work, and play blend and bleed into one another. Here, as a woman, I choose when to be “on display”–the rest of the time one can just blend into the crowd; but in Asia, you’re always “on display” which to me is exciting, but it can be unnerving and a difficult adjustment to make if you’re not used to it.
March 16th, 2007 at 2:31 am
I think you need to be alerted to the fact that there is a small but growing group of farang women who LOVE thai men. What’s it like the date a white guy? I don’t ever what to know again!!
March 16th, 2007 at 2:43 am
Of course you’re in love with Thai girls. Not much of a surprise there. Of course they’re wildly different than “white girls” (as though white girls are all the same, right??).
But you obviously don’t understand the experience of “white girls” in Thailand. My sexual identity has not been all but removed because the affections of white guys are directed toward Thai girls. HELLO???? Huge oversight on your part: THE THAI GUY. What makes you think that I haven’t experienced the same thing as you, coming to a foreign country and finding myself practically deiticized.
I do not recieve my sense of being from any man, especially not a white one!!
March 16th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
Pidgin. Not “pigeon” - pidgin. It’s an interesting word, and even worth doing a smidgen (couldn’t resist) of research.
March 17th, 2007 at 12:49 am
Well now, I never knew that. A quick Google search reveals that I’m not alone in my mistake. How interesting.
March 24th, 2007 at 2:04 am
What’s it like dating?
Yes am a white girl in Bangkok and truly can’t remember……..
June 14th, 2007 at 10:47 am
Well, I find that generalizing in all is trivial and can never begin to decribe any girl. However, some rough generalizing blogs on either being a white girl or a Thai girl, does nothing more to me than to bring amuzement. If you are truly offended by what is written, you have not a problem with the writer as much as with yourself.
Try being half and half, I live in farang land, but after some time I always begin to miss Thailand. However, when in Thailand, after a while the endless attention gets tiresome and I begin to miss my farang land where I am almost like everyone else.
August 15th, 2007 at 7:07 am
I don’t think liking Thai women makes you an enemy of all women everywhere, but I have been voted out of women’s studies classes so I am not an authority. However, being a white woman in Thailand I must say I agree with what another poster said in that my sexuality has not been completely removed…believe it or not there are still some white men in this country who prefer their women bitchy and controlling just like back home :-)
Also, I wanted to say I love your blog. I’m looking forward to reading your columns as well.
September 29th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
was always under the impression thats its driven by the power differential.Raise the socio economic status of the thais so that it becomes a level playing field and then see how much attention they afford you.Try hitting on a well heeled thai chinese babe and see how far you get…not