Flamboyant Estonian lady in Bangkok is a cult heroine in the making

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This is Mai Long, an Estonian writer/journalist who lives in Bangkok and has, apparently, written six non-fiction books and more than 800 articles for Estonian mags and papers. She also has a Ph.D in sociolinguistics. But all this pales in comparison to Mai's first crack at fiction, which comes in the form of Mango Maiden.

As a rather optimistic writer from The Big Chilli puts it:

Mango Maiden has the potential to become another Emmanuelle or, better still, the current blockbuster ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’

The book was first unleashed onto the world in 2006 with feedback crowdsourced from various leering Myspace fans, but it's just this month come out on Amazon and has received a bit of a promotional push on Mai's glorious Facebook page. In her own words, Mai describes the book as follows:

The cosmopolitan and urban lives of four feminine and empowered Caucasian minxes are followed in real space and time during the last nine months of 2004 in city of Bangkok, Thailand. Contrary to the popular belief that the white women do not have fun in Thailand, every angle of the lives of these mature career women imparts sensuality.

Four feminine and empowered Caucasian minxes. This sounds like it has potential, and indeed, the book is a literary masterpiece yet to be discovered by the wider world. The opening paragraphs give an interesting insight into what happens when our first protagonist, Jasmine, eats an orange. Prepare to be dazzled.

Usually Jasmine bought one slice of watermelon and one slice of sun lady cantaloupe from the fruit vendor on the street when she returned from lunch. Sometimes she bought a sliced soft ripe guava or a long slice of vivid orange papaya. Today the office smelled of oranges. Jasmine took one orange, it had a strange green peel, but the inside looked promising.

Jasmine knew what happened when she ate oranges.

First, when you peel the fruit, the sprinkles of the fragrant juice make your fingers sticky and tickle your nose. Then the mix of the savory smell from the peels and the sweet smell of the orange flesh takes you over, it clouds your mind, paints it orange and makes your eyes shine. Then it makes you suddenly take a deep breath. And when the first slice of orange flesh touches your tongue and the juice fills your mouth – then you know, you’ve got the fever. Heart beats, pulse races, blood storms through your body and you want you want you want to erupt.

Jasmine licked her fingers and felt that the orange fever was taking over again. It was the fragrant dizziness, a certain hot pulse deepening down inside. She had a strong urge to be licked, and yes, oh she wanted to be kissed, and more, to be sucked and more. And more! She tried to control her breathing while enjoying the deep undulating pulsing pleasure.

She had a slight blush on her cheeks, her lips looked full and moist, and her eyes were deep blue. She swallowed the last piece of the juicy orange, licked all ten of her sweet fingers clean – the office was filled with an orange mist and the whole world seemed orange to her – so orange, so hot, so restless.

I shudder to think what would happen if Jasmine discovered Del Monte fruit cocktails. Moving on, we go deep into the psyche of a Bangkok socialite.

Emporium is the favorite hang out place for the bold and beautiful Bangkokians. If one wants to see the most beautiful model like Thai girls, this is the place. Tall, slim, with very white complexions and expensive tasteful clothes they walk in pairs from the coffee shops to the boutiques and vice versa. But at Emporium one can also see the brand clad loud Chinese girls shopping at Louis Vuitton like there is no tomorrow; fast walking Asian businessmen always in dark suits no matter how hot it is outside, older Thai ladies with big hairdos, strong make-up and bright stiff suits and of course the local Japanese and Western expats buying their food at Gourmet market or just having a quick lunch.

But two blonde office girls were still a striking sight at Emporium as many heads turned to look at the pinstripe mini clad Jasmine kissing Tara on the cheek at the Skygate in front of the Morgan shop. Tara looked radiant in her golden beige trousers and sheer small blouse. Her hair was a golden chestnut color and wavy, her complexion porcelain-like. All Thais adored her luminous white skin.

But this is only the tip of the iceberg. As the book progresses, things start to get raunchy. Children, avert your eyes!

She pouted. She longed for a kiss. Suddenly she felt her breasts hardening. Oh no, now the seam of the lace was feeling harsh on her nipples. Looking in the mirror Jasmine started to unbutton her cardigan. The black bra couldn't flatten her nipples any more — they peeked, no pressed, out through the lace flowers. Slowly she pulled her bra down under her left breast. Ohhh… much better… Like in a trance she dropped the cardigan and took her bra off. Yeah. That's it! Release them.

Release the hounds! She then sends an SMS message about her touchy-feely adventure to "at least nine guys". The book contains heaps more steamy scenes, most of which I should probably leave to your imagination, but here's a taster, this time from a woman called Tara:

Oh yes, she will see if it all fits in her mouth later, for sure, Tara decided slyly. She would rape this [man] even though he had a gun!

My goodness! If this has been enough to whet your apetite, you can get this book free of charge for a limited time only from Amazon. What are you waiting for?!

But wait, there's more! Mai also has a Youtube channel on which she performs musical numbers like this instant classic, again about fruit (and other things):

You want some? Yes please!

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6 thoughts on “Flamboyant Estonian lady in Bangkok is a cult heroine in the making

  1. Farangs seeking to reinvent themselves in Bangkok seldom choose their new persona wisely. At least she's getting her five-a-day.

  2. Ha ha!

    I loved that because it was very funny. "Release the hounds!" had me in stitches!

    Thanks for the laugh!

    Tom Tuohy (author of "Watching the Thais")

  3. The video is pretty funny but I don't know about you guys but for me after so many years in Thailand Caucasian women become pretty exotic again.

    All power to her! :)

  4. LOL, that's hilarious. Some of the worst writing I've read in a long time. Why is it that 'writers' (and I use that word loosely in this situation) in Bangkok always write about sex or bar girls? There's so much more to the city and so many more interesting stories to tell.

    All I can say is, no wonder her book is currently 'free' :)

    Thanks for the laugh.

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