I hate Fergie with a passion. The Black Eyed Peas are a terrible group by themselves, but she makes them even worse; and now she is, allegedly, a solo-performer. I wouldn’t call her a singer. I wouldn’t call her a rapper. Heck, I don’t even know what she is.

Her album is entitled ‘The Dutchess’. I don’t know what possessed her to spell the word like that and quite frankly I don’t care. I wish she’d disappear. Her latest “song” is ‘London Bridge’. I hear it four or five times a day on the radio in my office. It drives me crazy. Let’s have a look at some of her inspiring lyrics:

“Grey Goose got your girl feeling loose.
Now I’m wishin’ that I didn’t wear these shoes. (I hate heels)
It’s like everytime I get up on the dew,
Paparazzi put my business in the news.
And I’m like get up out my face, (oh shit)
‘fore I turn around and spray your ass with mace. (oh shit)
My lips make you wanna have a taste. (oh shit)
You got that?”

What does it all mean? It’s a song about nothing. The only connection from one line to the next is it rhymes. Apparently she co-wrote this song. What we can deduce from this is that she is as thick as two short planks. It’s also not just her voice that’s annoying, it’s the way she pronounces her words. Somebody must have said to her: “You’ve got to be hip Fergie. So try and make yourself sound as stupid as possible.” It’s worked.

She’s not street; she’s a product of popular culture. She was a child actress with a squeaky clean image who was in an awful band that got dropped by their record label. She then got hooked on crystal meth. How urban; especially as this came just a few years after she was voice-acting for Charlie Brown specials.

Gosh. The gods are against me today. The horrible little witch has just come on the radio again.

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