Interview with a ladyboy lover

A friend of mine recently mentioned that he had had sex with a ladyboy and not realized it at the time. It was only several weeks later that he became aware of this fact, and only then it had come to him thanks to some deep thought and piecing together of hazy memories. I think it’s fantastic that we can all live happily in this country, meet the girl of our dreams, and then a few weeks later stumble upon the revelation that she’s actually a boy. It’s totally offbeat. Another friend admitted that he had been in the same scenario. It’s just one of those things, they both iterated.

I wrote an article about ladyboys back in June. I’m still no closer to understanding the enigma, and I’m not sure I really want to be, but by chance I met an interesting man named Morris in the Robin Hood pub, Phrom Pong. Morris seemed to have cracked the conundrum. I got chatting with him, as you do, and he soon revealed that he was married… to a ladyboy. He made no attempt to hide this and seemed quite proud of himself. I asked him to tell me a little more and he went ahead and told me how he had come to Thailand and discovered the joys of these “other” ladies of the night.

To set the scene, Morris looked, for want of a better word, normal. He was a regular 40-year-old guy and you wouldn’t look twice at him in the street. His only distinguishing feature was slicked-back, dark hair that made him look like Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs. Morris was close to six feet in height, he looked to weigh around 80 kilos, and he had a plain face with a large nose and narrow blue eyes. He was very to-the-point and his manner was somewhat boisterous, but not overbearing.

Morris knocked back a large gulp of Heineken from a pint-glass, and there we were, his story about to unfold. “I’m a Londoner through and through,” he said. “I’ve been living here in Thailand for six years or so. There’s no grey areas for me. In my mind ladyboys are a third sex. To describe them in any other way is a mistake. I’ve slept with lots of ladyboys, both here and in London where there are two ladyboy clubs. I’ve met plenty of blokes who have slept with ladyboys too, and none of them consider themselves as being gay. Neither do I for that matter. If people say that I’m gay then that’s OK by me, but I’ve been married twice before: Once to a British woman and once to a Thai lady.”

I was a little scared at how forward he was being with me. Why was he telling me all these things, and was he going to mind if he read them in a magazine a few weeks later? I covered my bases and told him I was a writer, of sorts, and he said he would be happy for me to tell his story. “It might wise a few people up about what it’s really like to be a ladyboy,” he said.

Having recently met Venus Flytrap (Thailand’s first all-ladyboy pop group), I can vouch for occasionally being struck by the grandeur of some of these ladyboys, but for whatever reason, the whole experience was unsettling. Perhaps that is the appeal. It’s like a journey into the unknown, but few people ever get past the stage of curiosity. Morris had gone the whole hog.

“I am married to a ladyboy called Varisa,” he continued, clearly a little drunk and excited, another beer on the way. “She’s part Thai and part Lao, from Nakom Pathom. She’s 35, she went to a good school, and she attended university in Bangkok where she earned a degree in communications. She struggled to find a proper job in Bangkok and so, with the help of some of her ladyboy friends, she found work in Patpong in a go-go bar before moving to Singapore and working as a street prostitute.”

Already I felt a strange admiration for Morris and his honesty. He’d only known me half-an-hour and already he had divulged that his wife was a man, had worked in a go-go bar, and had sold her body in Singapore.

“Varisa returned to Thailand after one year under the floorboards of a truck,” Morris went on. “She’d overstayed her visa, you see. She went back to Patpong and worked as a street prostitute which is where I met her four-and-a-half years ago. We spend two or three days a week together now, socializing in Patpong and sometimes in Nana.”

The obvious thought at this point was how people might react to this brazen Londoner walking hand-in-hand with a ladyboy. Is Thailand as accepting a country as it is made out to be?

“Even after all this time,” he confessed, “we still get puzzled looks and occasional abuse, usually from English tourists. We try not to let it bother us. The staff in the bars we go to are used to us now. The locals in my apartment block have accepted us and my farang friends understand that this is my decision. Some people can’t believe I prefer the company of ladyboys to a pretty Thai girl. You’re wondering why I like ladyboys aren’t you. I can sense it.” He was right. “They’re mysterious, tempting, exotic, enigmatic, and certainly never boring. They’re my choice, even if it is a dangerous one.”

I frowned momentarily. A dangerous one? “Not all Ladyboys are violent and irrational,” Morris Explained. “Most are just stuck in a rut with no money, no future, limited opportunities. They’re worried about their future, same as you and me. They have to support their families. This is, unfortunately, why so many of them steal. They have no prospect for a husband for support, or for children to take care of them when they get older. Competition is fierce. There are few ladyboys over 40-years-of-age around the Patpong area. Some support other ladyboys who have become too depressed to carry on, while others just fade away, back to their village, or commit suicide – a knife to the stomach, a drug overdose, or jumping off a roof being the preferred ways.”

I could sense the mood was turning a little somber, so I pushed Morris on how Varisa’s family had reacted to their son becoming a woman and marrying an Englishman. “I have been to my wife’s village twice now,” he said. “Varisa stayed away from the family home for nearly ten years. We had a reunion with her mother and father last December. Her brothers and sisters have mostly accepted her, but she still has two sisters who refuse to talk to her. It takes time. Her mother is very happy. She has a new daughter now, she says, and she is very proud. We went for Songkran this year and had a great time.”

This story seemed to have a happy ending… for Morris and Varisa at least. For many others, though, the scenario is not as romantic: “It’s hard to be a ladyboy,” said Morris, “even in Thailand. They don’t deserve to be looked down upon. They are only human. Prejudices run deep in this so-called Land of Smiles, but there is a slowly-growing level of acceptance. There are something like 100,000 ladyboys in Thailand. It’s not a new trend, and it’s something that’s been here for at least 200 years, or so I’ve read. Even qualified, educated ladyboys, however, find it hard to get a job. They face a hard life, but perhaps they have it easier here than they would anywhere else in the world.”

There’s some irony in the fact that Thailand is famed for its ladyboys, and yet Thai culture still seems to find it difficult to come to terms with these same ladyboys as members of society. They are mysterious creatures who are an enigma to us all; perhaps gender issues are something we can never fully understand. Morris finished his final pint of beer and emphatically bid me farewell. He looked overjoyed at having shared his story. I couldn’t think of anything to say except: “Take care.”

How do you respond intelligently to a story such as Morris’?

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40 thoughts on “Interview with a ladyboy lover

  1. Never understood this one. If you like men then why not just go for a man, and if you like women then find a woman. Can't see any advantage to marrying a man who thinks he's a woman. No prejudice here, just can't get my head around it.

  2. I am ladyboy from Thailand also and happy to know that someone still know his heart to be with some ladyboy like Morris! It's not wrong thing but it's all about love … Hey!, just wanna say WAKE UP!!! and we are in the world of GERDER DIVERSITY and various of sexualities. Right???

  3. Hi,
    i like Ladyboys from Thailand very much and i like to have a relation whit this kind of People. Who can help me, that I find a nice, slim, feminin Ladyboy from Thailand for realy a nice friendship?
    Please write me if you know someone. Thank you
    very much

  4. A nice man who made a good choice. Sister Hua is right when she sais, that this guy knows about his heart. But I find some old fashioned comments in here. Strange.

  5. I met once (well recently) a ladyboy fomr Singapore in Hong Kong. I had been dreaming/thinking about it for a while, but to be honest the experience was even better than my kinda best expectation.. but I agree you need to be careful when you cross the line and step into the "shadowy" world…
    I think th best in the best world is for everybody to be understanding and accept, if not appreciate and enjoy, everyone's differences. That is teh beauty of life, ain't it?

  6. i would like to say that i wish i was like a lady boy and grow some braest but cant find a way to buy the tablets to grow breast..maybe someone will help me out there

  7. i met a lovely ladyboy in thailand 3 years ago i had never been with one before but a dared cross the line since then we are living together and i just couldnt imagine life without her, but i loved everything about her so much i am now taking horemones my self and i am working now with her as a waitress in a bar in bankok

  8. Iam man from egypt 34 years old living in saudi arabia , handsome looking for ladyboy for marriage and live togather always , in sexy and quit life

  9. I don't get it. Isn't a ladyboy … basically … just a man with breasts (courtesy of hormone pills)?

    It seems like some men "cross over" to get with them but want an excuse to say they're not gay.

  10. I think sympathy has a lot to do with it. I like women (not all, but many) and have indulged in carnal (and fun) activities with a few of my former girlfriends. Many girls do like a good anal fuck.

    I would not go to bed with another male, but I might go to bed with a ladyboy if I really liked the person. Many are really good looking, and if the chemistry fits, why not satisfy ones curiosity. Maybe they really are as good in bed as many say. And the sex would be kind of familiar, no-one would get hurt. So why the big fuss.

    I might choose to tell no-one about it though.

  11. I have read the article and the thread that follows. I would make these comments:

    I am a 'normal' (Christ sakes author what is 'normal'?) guy who has had 3 wives and fathered 6 children – is that 'normal' enough for you? I would agree with some of the comments here that there is a prejudice against same gender relationships but I will forgive anyone their prejudices if they make the effort to understand another's point of view.

    So called ladyboys do not choose to be born as the so called third sex. I believe that we are born to lead our lives, to perfect the soul in this incarnation so that we can progress to enlightenment in a future life. So lets face it being born a 'ladyboy' must be one of the ultimate challenges for a life time given the prejudices that these people have to face and overcome.

    I prefer the company of katoey: as a group of people I have found them to be very spiritual and actually psychic. Don't try and lie to one because they will know, believe me. As a clairvoyant myself, that sixth sense tells you everything that you need to know about someone. Maybe that is why I am now drawn to being with a katoey and trying to understand their lives and problems.

    I love only one: and that love is as 'normal' as any of my previous hetero 'loves'. After all we are all souls placed in a physical body to live our lives and which goes when we pass (die) so why would it be so unusual to fall in love with a soul whose love reaches out to me?

    Do I want to marry her (and the 'her' is absolutely true as this is a woman trapped in a man's body – I have loved enough women in my life to know that this person is a woman)? Yes – I will if the opportunity presents itself.

    And in this day and age why should that be so shocking? Gay men have become mainstream icons in the entertainment and fashion worlds and this is even extending into the commercial world. So why not ladyboys? Is it because their beauty and feminity are essentially threats to women and where some of the worse comments/attitudes have come from?

    Finally, Thailand is a land of conundrums. A devoutly Buddhist society where their religion preaches non violence and the attainment of enlightenment from within. However, you will find if you ever walk around (as a farang) hand in hand with a ladyboy a very different attitude than if you were with a Thai lady.
    I have experienced everything from odd stares to outright hostility from Thai people (none from other Westerners I have to say) but I refuse to compromise on my relationship with my partner. To do anything otherwise would be a matter of complete hypocrisy on my part and a lack of respect for what we have together.

    In these days of so called enlightened attitudes, it appears we still have some way to go. So I applaud the guy in the article as he is promoting a better understanding for a group of people who need our compassion and support and as for the writer of the piece, then I suggest that you look at your own prejudices as the true colour of them shone through in the article.

  12. I'm a ladyboy too from philippines, it is normal to some man who can't understand their feelings to same sex. i think its still unexplained. that is why men around the world can't control their desires and marry a same sex.i do wonder why but i'm happy that many of people around the world love us. be proud to be a ladyboy!

  13. hi i'm male who wanna be ladyboy . i'm from egypt cairo . and i hope to meet someone help me to be … thanks for anyone wanna help.
    you can call me guys on 20174592043

  14. hi i'm adel from cairo egypt when my friends was talking about girls i was'nt interested i thought i was gay but i was'nt interested in boys too but when i see aphoto for ladyboy for the first time i knew what i want the girl of my dreams is ladyboy and from this moment i knew that i'm straight male looking for his ladyboy girl to be his love forever so, ilooking for cute romantic honest ladyboy from egypt for knowledge i'm 23 years old i'm in final year at engineering faculty and i have'nt any relation yet because i did'nt find any ladyboy yet. i'm serious i'm looking for serious relation and may be marriage so' if any ladyboy in egypt find me suitable for her call me on my num 0175151007 i'm waiting no lairs please

  15. Hi ! I am planing to get maried to a ladyboy next year . I like to know if it is the same procest , like to get maried to a girl , Thanks Abel

  16. Ladyboys and gays are just not the same. i couldn't possibly fancy any guy but a ladyboy is not like a guy and many modern women so offensive in the way they behave.
    What else is there to say!

  17. I think being with a ladyboy is a great idea. For starters those women are beautiful and no one can stay they are not. 2nd they take on the female role in the bedroom, and who can plz a man better then another man, not to sound gay but we just know how the male body works. Last thing I would like to say is that on a mental leavel being with another man would be a lot easier, cuz let's face it men and women have complete diffent ways of thinking. So a ladyboy can be come you best friend and your smoking hot g/f. I know there are females that can do that too, but a real female still has that "special" time of the month. I just can not deal with that crap some times. As a whole let's stop judging others for what's on the out side and let's just be happy that they are happy. Peace be with you all.

  18. I say we should not swim against the river, dont try to understand or reason it, just go with the flow, dont feel uncertain , just give and take love.I will go to Phillipines as soon as i finish my last college year, it's my only motivation to finish, to move there and make a life, and if I get to find a beautiful ladyboy who loves and understands me then i will marry her. Peace to all the sweet Katoeys and lb's from Phillipines, see you all in a year :)

  19. hello,
    i live in Thalande with a ladyboy, and we would like to the way to be married.

    I've read some people have been married with a tha ladyboy, please explain me how you did !!!

    thank you

  20. well my friends, your not wrong, a ladyboy is more femine, than any woman a have met,i fell in love with with her,on our first meeting,not made love in our 1st year still,but,you know what..i dont need too. but when shes ready so will i be xxxx

  21. I have met a ladyboy on the internet. You could not ask for a more beautiful and caring woman. I will be visiting her soon and her family in Manila. It's very early days yet but if we get on, I don't have any pbjection to marrying her. I still find the attitude of some people towards ladyboys totally unacceptable, they are human beings with feelings just like the rest of us!

  22. marrying the girl next door, get a couple of kids,a dog and buy a volvo is not for everybody. thank god for lb's! that said me and my lb girlfriend are thinking about getting a dog..

  23. They basically look like girls and are some the most beatuiful people I seen in the world. The hang up is the dic_ and no feminine part they're for me at least. The tits and especially those longing stunning legs,yike.

    They are men who felt they were born the wrong gender. I see them more as men who now became women,and they have female hormones. I was talking to a lb and it had passed my mind to get one,I joking but serious you look great,the tits,legs but down there scares me,she told me it ok I no show u. Just give you blow job,part of me was ready to cross the line. They deserve respect and just trying to find they're way thru life.

  24. Hi all. I consider myself straight but i am totally in love with a ladyboy from Thailand. Ive met and had sexual relationships with a couple before and since then i can't leave them alone. Now i think i've found the girl of my dreams! Sometimes i forget she is ladyboy because she is just so sweet, better than any girl ive met before. I'm willing to sacrifice anything to be with her, so good luck to anyone brave enough to follow their hearts no matter what the risk!

  25. I am sick of women.All women are hardwired to mate with the wealthy mesomorph male. Women who,s beauty is not strong enough to attract the wealthy mesomorph male. Down grade who they will mate with and select a lesser male than they really waht so the can have a baby. Love is bullshit it is all about having a baby. To have a baby they need someone to pay for the house the car the food ,education blah blah blah.why do you think there is a 50% failure rate in marriage? then to top it off the do not suck dick don,t take it in the ass don,t what a tit job all they want to do is have a baby vaginally and financially enslave men. I am done with female love bullshit get a job and pay for your own live

  26. Fuck you Ed…you are just one of those sick fucker…selfish..blind…and you know what?…why don't you admitted that you love sucking dick and bops as the same time.

  27. I was born a hermaphrodite, in my country sexual assignment is performed on most hermaphrodites at infancy. In my case, the vagina was sewn shut. I have had a lot of sex with people of every gender, race and orientation. I prefer transgenders, but do not consider them a third sex. Most of them are sweet and gentle, if rather narcissistic, guys. Morris mentioned the danger of gay sex in the article, and it cannot be overstated. Most ladyboys are wildly promiscuous. It is part of the allure of that life. Don't think that you can 'straighten out' a ladyboy prostitute. The hazards must be seen and understood, or they are all the more dangerous.

  28. I admire Morris for sharing his story. I myself hope to marry a lovely ladyboy some day. :)

  29. To TONY

    Because you've not men enough women or none want you plus they're not as desperate as ladyboys that tend to have zero standards.

    To ladyboys ALL WHITE/WESTERN MEN ARE THE SAME. They like you equally as much as a stranger as long as you have money. Bolf,fat,ugly they don't mind.

    YOU'RE A BANK and joke

    Trannys More femine lol. A)they have dicks and b)can't produce. Thus UNNATURAL

  30. I am from America and I have been Heterosexual for most of my life, but I began to meet transgender people in America from doing charity volunteering and non-profit organization work. I have met some ladyboys on chat servers and the internet for many years before I moved to Thailand. I met one, very special ladyboy from Chonburi. Her name was Litar, and she could only get a job as a bartender in Pattaya. I am very happy to know that she didnt sell her body for sex. She was an honest Ladyboy. I was too jealous to see that sometimes and forgot that she was. I fell in love with her and still love her to this day. It was unfortunate though, that I was not wealthy or could not support her. She knew that and understood. She still loved me. I think she couldnt hang on any longer, or wait for me to always try and visit her, or save money to support her. I didnt hear from her in a long time, and couldnt contact her on her phone, so I emailed her last job. Sadly, the owner sent me a reply saying that she was admitted to the hospital for complications with her hormone therapy, and died. Her facebook is still active as well as her other social network pages. I still look at her pictures occasionally, and wish I spent more time with her and didnt feel so stupid and jealous about her. I love her always, and miss her. :'(

  31. I was married for 19 years after divorcing I done some travelling and had a fantastic experience with a pretty lady boy and it changed my thoughts and beliefs …I do not consider myself Gay my reason is the very thought of being with a man that looks like a man no no not for me .a lady boy is different they look act and feel like a woman and I admire them for being who they are .there are things about a lady boy that make them special they are just people but have the need to be and feel true to who they are and tell me what is wrong with that I also think that they tend to care about there appearance more than a lot of woman they can go pint for pint with you when you go out and they also just want to be loved and respected like any human being so for me a lady boy has everything I want in life treat them for who they are and they will give it back 10 fold .I haven't found my partner yet but I will …..

  32. Men naturally like women but would prefer them to have the same or equal sex drive as men do. Most women do not, as men can truly attest to. SO the hightened sex drive of a genetic boy who has turned girl is an excitement. Ladyboys know how to pleasure a man and those who are willing are much better than a genetic girl. Woemn having the burden of reproduction also tend to hold back for fear of being left with a 20 year chore to raise.

    So whether you keep your dick or have it removed should depend upon on your feelings and those of your lover. Frankly I don't mind using my mouth to pleasure either a cock or a pussy, as long as she is willing to pleasure me and looks totally feminine as we go out together.

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