Social media came a long way in 2015. As I'm a bonafide massive expert on all things digital, I thought I'd share with you my predictions for what's going to be big in 2016. If you don't agree with me then you're probably wrong. Soz.
Blurry concert photos will become the norm
For far too long we've lived in an age where people make a genuine effort to take nice, clear photos at gigs they attend. Those days are almost over and we can look forward to a 2016 full of wonky, blurry shots taken from behind a pillar somewhere near the back of the venue. NME and other music publications will have no choice but to adapt to this trend to ensure that nobody has a bloody clue what they're looking at anymore. There will be an app, available on Android and iOS, that will purposely, beautifully ruin every single photo you take at a concert, just in case you take one that looks a bit in-focus.
Auto-DMs will be big
What we're talking about here are those direct messages that automatically end up in your inbox after you follow someone on Twitter. Only a select few trailblazers have been utilising this feature so far, and through third-party services at that, but 2016 will see the introduction of compulsory impersonal auto-DMs not just on Twitter, but any social network that doesn't want to get left behind. DMs handwritten by real people will be phased out by summer to clear up space for people to invite their Internet friends to follow them on Instagram.
Travel bloggers will revolutionise brunch
Brunch is the next big thing in the travel blogger universe. Actual travel like going places and seeing things and stuff will take a back seat as WordPress warriors will focus their efforts on finding new ways of broadcasting their free brunches to their ever-growing audiences. Live streaming, virtual reality and interactive content will all play a part in the brunch revolution of 2016. You'll get to live every sponsored moment as if you were there.
Inspirational quotes will bring about world peace
Reused and repurposed inspirational quotes did a lot of good in 2015, but just you wait for next year. The misattributed and stolen wise words of some of the world's best thinkers will be copied and pasted en masse directly into conflict zones to stop people being mean to each other.
Facebook will become all about jogs
You may have noticed the recent trend of people sharing status updates about their jogs on Facebook and other social networks. Jogging posts are in for a boom in 2016. You'll be able to not only post about actual jogs you've done, but jogs you're planning to do, thinking about doing and possibly not going to do at all. I predict that some social networks will reject all other content in favour of jogging posts. We really want to know about your jogs.
Klout scores will be printed on passports
Got a high Klout score but worried that not everybody knows about it? The old method of just posting about it over and over again has been OK up to now, but it wasn't really in your face enough. Next year, Klout scores will be printed on all new passports and you'll be required to disclose them in job interviews and at Tesco self-service checkout counters.
The rise of the anti-social network
Tired of browsing Facebook only to see how much more amazing everybody's lives are compared to yours? Well, that will soon be a thing of the past as a number of new social networks will be launched that will actively prohibit all forms of interaction and "friending". Instead, you'll get a white screen with your name and photo on it and a list of achievements including gym certificates from primary school.
Instagram will focus wholly on bots and butts
The era of the "people users" will come to an end in 2016. Instagram will eventually remove the accounts of all actual humans in favour of bots and fake accounts that post pictures of women's butts. Real people will still be allowed to leave comments asking for Kik handles.
Food pictures will actually be edible
You probably already know that all your contacts were really interested in everything you ate in 2015. Whether you were at a restaurant or having something at home, there was a great deal of interest in your food updates. This will be taken to the next level in 2016 as now your friends and family will be able to actually eat your social media posts thanks to a new technology being developed by Google.
You will never be able to check-out
Been to the pub? Cinema? A concert? A restaurant? An airport? A nightclub? A cafe? A hotel? Well you can bet your ass we were all really happy to see your checkins in 2015. What we can look forward to in 2016 is new tech on our phones that will automatically and mandatorily check you in no matter where you go, even if you're just on the street or in the toilet or sat on a bench, meaning that the only way you can be "checked out" is if you're dead.
Everyone will be a digital nomad
This almost happened in 2015. Millions of people gave up their jobs to travel the world and make a living teaching other people how to quit their jobs and travel the world. Next year, pretty much every blog post will be about how to write blog posts teaching people how to make money writing blog posts.
Can't fucking wait.