You meet some interesting characters in Thailand; more often than not they simply come up and surprise you, catching you off guard when you're at your most vulnerable. Today, as I was sitting in Central Festival mall in Phuket, I lost myself in a Michel Houellebecq while waiting for some photos to be developed. A blonde man who looked as German as it is posible to be approached me and asked if I too was German. I confessed that I was English. He told me that he was in Phuket on holiday and was staying in Patong. We shook hands and he wished me good luck. He was with an older gentleman who also turned out to be German. He was a jolly, podgy fellow with a face that I thought would be good for a German sitcom, if there is such a thing. After they left I went to get my photos.

To my surprise, the jolly fat German approached me and asked me to go for coffee with him and his friend. I sensed that I might be able to get a free cup of tea out of this situation, and so off I went with them to Black Canyon. I noticed that the younger German, whose name it turned out was Jan, was calling me "Dear". We sat down and Jan began making regular animal noises and other curious sounds, the likes of which I had never thought it possible for a human being to make.

He asked me if I want to go somewhere called the Paradise Complex. I'd never heard of it. "It's for bad people," whispered Jan in a sinister voice, reminding me of Will Ferrell, "gaaay people." I said I'd consider the offer but thought it unlikely that I'd go out tonight. Jan, it turned out, is a train conductor from northern Germany. He said he will be moving to Zurich, again to conduct trains, when he returns on Tuesday.

The older, slightly chubbier German was named Peter. I couldn't fathom whether Peter was Jan's brother, uncle, father, lover, or any of the above. I dared not ask. It was getting on past 1 p.m. and I had somewhere to be so I politely excused myself and left. Jan wrote down his phone number on a piece of paper in case I changed my mind about going to the complex for bad people. I haven't gone, in case that's what you're wondering.

Techno' tags: Phuket, Thailand, Patong