The truth about Thai girls
One thing that’s glaringly obvious after living here for a couple of years is that Thai girls cannot be summed up in a list of dos and don’ts. No matter how many of the Internet pundits out there try, you can’t write a guide book about girls of any nationality.
I find it perplexing reading blogs when authors focus on Thai girls and make attempts to class all Thai girls as one single entity. There are girls in Thailand who so radically break from the farang-publicized norm that they are grossly misrepresented by many of the people who write submissions for Stickman, among other sites. Perhaps with the influence of the Western world has come a new development in the mindset of Thai girls and Thai people as a whole.
When I first arrived in Thailand I was taken aback by the tales and fables about Thai girls. Every farang I met could sum Thai girls up for me in a few short sentences. Could life really be this simple? I was confused and yet intrigued, but I soon realised that these farangs only dealt with a small proportion of Thai girls.
There are a few Thai-girls myths that have been floating round the Internet for some time that I would like to address:
Thai girls are shy in public
A somewhat dated view is that Thai girls will not so much as hold hands in public, let alone kiss. The younger Thai girls I know have no quarms about holding hands in public. Kissing in public is a taboo, but it’s one that is increasingly broken. Public displays of affection are not uncommon, but if you start making out in the middle of MBK then you are likely to attract suspicious looks.
There is no such thing as free sex in Thailand
I came across this from the otherwise worth-a-read Bangkok Diaries blog. I don’t know where people get this idea from, but casual sex does exist in Thailand. And no, it doesn’t have to involve bar girls. Younger Thai girls are more modern than some people give credit for.
All Thai girls love farang
This one couldn’t be further from the truth. Just because you have white skin and big eyes doesn’t mean that you will be the desire of all Thai women. There may well be some envy of your characteristics, but this doesn’t always equate to attraction. It’s funny to watch clueless foreigners in bars and clubs trying it on with Thai girls, only for the Thai girl to step up and assert her authority. Wham!
Thai girls don’t like sex
I’ve seen this one pop up on the Internet a few times. The idea that Thai girls don’t enjoy sex is pushing it a bit. Thai girls are the same as girls anywhere else in the world, and with taboos about sex breaking down in Thailand in the 21st century, Thai girls are more open about the subject as a whole.
Thai girls won’t talk about sex
While Thai girls’ attitudes are perhaps a little different to those of Western girls, contrary to popular belief, Thai girls do talk about sex. You only have to listen in to a university-student gossip session to learn this.
Most Thai girls are prostitutes
It’s simply not true. A great many Western men only meet a small percentage of Thai women. No more needs to be said about this one.
Most good Thai girls are virgins
I read this on Thailand Guru. I hate the idea that anyone would consider it bad for a Thai girl not to be a virgin. How can anybody define a “good” Thai girl in this manner? Younger generations of Thai girls have, believe it or not, found ways to have sex and still be good girls.
Only bar girls take drugs
A common misconception. Whether it’s smoking weed, taking coke, ecstasy, even crystal meth: recreational drug use is not restricted for bar girls or “bad girls”.
Admittedly, my thoughts on this subject come from interacting within social circles of people my age. I don’t want to say that Thai girls are one thing and not another, but I find it frustrating when reading “guides” on how to date Thai girls or what Thai girls are like.
The new generation of Thai girls is very different from the stereotypes that older Western men impose on Thai girls as a whole. While I have a very real fear that an article like this could kill my blog once and for all, this is what is on my mind and this is what I’ve chosen to write today.
Techno’ tags: Thailand, Bangkok, Thai girls
August 24th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
I am very happy that some of the things you write are definitely not true.
And although she was no virgin, I consider my girlfriend to be a good girl :-) And happy that at least she likes farang. And no… she’s no bargirl.
August 24th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
good blog piece. i think the fact that thai girls are stereotyped on the net and probably alot more places doesn’t say alot about the type of guys that are dating them.the comment ‘dregs of society’ springs to mind. maybe a little harsh.
August 24th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
i’d like to add that i am sure there are plenty of great guys dating thai girls aswell. but unfortunatly thailand does attract alot of unsavoury, lonely, or just desperate guys who probably had trouble understanding woman in there own countries.
August 25th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Due to the pathetic telephone connection I have had for the past 3 years here, I read a lot of text centred sites- especially forums. Namely baht bus, thai visa, pattaya secrets,teak door, pattaya- this - and pattaya -that etcetc.
Now there is a lot of useful information about general life in Thailand, however when threads about Thai girls and relationships appear it is pretty obvious that the majority of these forum punters have led a sheltered life regarding woman of any nationality. They simply do not know how to attract and retain ANY female. Instead they go with the concensus of the old fart versus young tart brigade = “don’t fall in love ,don’t trust em and watch yer wallet”. Sad really, this is the baby boomer generation that mostly missed out on weekend drugs and dance music too. They have the same negative opinions of this lifestyle too of course.
August 25th, 2007 at 3:44 am
Matt–great post. I’m sure many Thai/farang couples wished they could be perceived as individuals who chose each other for reasons individuals of any race or culture choose each other everyday around the world rather than as the face of some seedy stereotype.
August 25th, 2007 at 8:22 am
@Terrywogan: you are right. Just as the Thai girls are stereotyped, so are the farang that are dating them. When I check in at the airport -alone- you see them think: “look, another sextourist”.
Well, I don’t care. People should think what they want.
August 25th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
Refreshing to read a more accurate depiction of the modern thai girl. Most other pieces I read seem to either be about bargirls, or sound so old-fashioned that they should be in a history book.
August 25th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Some girls are quite shy to show affection in public; but a few are ok with holding hand in hand as long as it is in a cute way. In general, they are quite awkward with this sort of thing. Occasionally, you will see boys holding hands, but this is a rather rare occasion, but some of my friends do.
People do like sex, don’t they? So, casual sex definitely exists in this country. If women engage in this type of activity, they are deemed sluts, but if men do, they will be considered as Don Juans. The old generation does not like the idea of younger people having casual sex. Therefore, young modern Thais have to do it discreetly.
I am not sure that all Thai women love Farangs; but some of them surely do. Male westerners are quite cute and butch, albeit many are a bit porky these days. Personally, I find their aura quite appealing. Some women, like my elder sister, do not want Farangs as boyfriends because these men are too huge for them. So, the girls are scared of the men in terms of their figure; not because of their weapons of mass destruction. ;o)
Thai girls and other gilrs like sex; but if they say it too openly, they will be labelled slutty. It is ok for Thai men to talk proudly about their sexual encounters with women; if it is the other way around, it is not cool.
Some of us talk about sex, of course, mainly in a group of friends. It depends on how they handle the topic. Often they talk in a tounge-in-cheek, but at the same time an informative way.
I am not quite sure where some of the men get the idea that most Thai girls are hustlers. We surely have certain kinds of places where men can go and release their sexual frustration. The guys who have this sort of attitude are laughable. Fortunately, I frequently come across many Farangs who are gentlemanly and respectful towards Thai women.
You can still be a good girl and a righteous person despite losing your virginity. The attitude that most good Thai girls have to be virgins is plainly stupid. It is just a male chauvinist creed to keep women in line.
Not only bar girls take drugs; people who want to escape from reality also take drugs. I never take drugs; many of my female pals do not either, but some women friends of mine do. Even so, we get on well like a house on fire. I suppose those who do drugs are supposed to be bad girls even though they never encourage you to do the same.
August 25th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
I’m actually reading a book right now called Genders and Sexualities in Modern Thailand (http://www.ubcpress.ca/search/title_book.asp?BookID=2505). The collection of essays are really interesting analyses on gender constructions in 20th Century Thailand, they seek to debunk the myth of the sexualised landscape of the Orient by giving academic background on the changing nature of sexuality and gender roles as well as attitudes towards them. Worth a read!
August 25th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
The funny thing is that you have reached (IMHO) more accurate conclusions than others your age who have been here far longer. Time and time again I hear “Thai girls will go with any farang for money” “Thai girls love the western guys and want to be with them” etc.
These comments come from friends of mine who go to the usual nightspots and join the usual dating sites. It doesn’t matter how often I point out that they are meeting a certain type of Thai girls because of their social choices and that type doesn’t represent them all.
Some people just can’t see the bigger picture. There are plenty of Thai women who have no particular interest in farang and yes, as you rightly say, most women do actually enjoy sex. What a shock!
The only one I’d disagree with is your first one. I’ve noticed that even the majority of young Thai girls won’t kiss in public. I’ve also noticed those most likely to “break” this rule are lesbians on an attention trip. I think this “rule” is actually not so bad. In England we get thirteen year olds rolling around in on the floor in city centres and I think it looks pretty pathetic how hard they are trying to look cool. Still, they’re only young.
So I certainly agree with most of your opinions and I think in some cases, people know the stereotypes are not true, they just want to believe them.
August 26th, 2007 at 12:02 am
Just one more thing, you obviously move on the rave scene. I think it’s a very small minority of “good” Thai girls who would take drugs as listed by you, except for the cigs maybe.
August 26th, 2007 at 12:23 am
“Sad really, this is the baby boomer generation that mostly missed out on weekend drugs and dance music too. They have the same negative opinions of this lifestyle too of course.”
Even people who miss spent their youth grow up (in most cases) - When that happens, I will be interested in how you look back on those drug weekends.
As for Thai girls, one has to remember that the vast majority of Thai girls encountered by Stickman type farang come from a very small subset of the Thai female population, and the stereotypes only apply to that subset (if they apply at all).
August 26th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
So you mean Thai girls are like normal girls? :shocking:
August 26th, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Well it would certainly be a shock to some people living in this country.
August 27th, 2007 at 4:12 am
This actually applies to most Asian girls in general. We’re all so seriously misunderstood most of the time.
December 4th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
After reading so much junk about Thai girls (mostly written by guys with scocial and sexual problems) its nice to read something written by someone with more than a few active brain cells.
Porntiwa (Bangkok)
December 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
This is one of Thai girl idea for all Farang :
1.If u found that ur girl love ur money why don’t u just leave her away and don’t think or say that “Thai girl” or “most of Thai girl” will be like that girl. I will be very upset when i read it.
2. For me i’m not shy if i kiss my bf in public but i grown in this country so i know how much i can do in public. Older people will think that we are not a nice girl or not polite and i don’t like that idea too but i think we have many good idea from them (old people) as well. In next 10 years we may can have hot kiss in public who will know coz now new generation have their own idea too.
3. Yes.. most of Thai girl love farang i’m sure coz u r look very different from us (Asian) like ur skin/eyes, some of ur culture like most of u seems gentle for girl, honesty than Thai guy, smart than Thai guy, u love to work than to drunk and manyyyyy. Some of bad Thai girl may love u coz u have money, they don’t care how old u r.. i’m sure that most of them are not educated girl and poor.
4. Thai girl like sex i’m sure. I do like sex with Farang too. I believe that Farang can make good sex than our Thai guy.
5. Most of Thai girl don’t like to talk about sex. For me i can talk if it necessary such as when i have problem or need/give some advise. I don’t like to talk about sex life or some thing that not necessary to talk about coz it’s private. But now i change.. i can talk a lots after i chat with Farang on net 5555.
6. Yes u r right that very small percentage that Thai girls are prostitutes. So if u go to Pattaya don’t think that all of girl in that area are prostitutes.
7. It’s hard to talk about virgin but i’ve found that have a lots of Thai girls still virgins (i can’t say most of them 5555). And i like Farang’s idea that they won’t mind if she’s not virgins.. a lots of Thai guy want to marry with virgin.
I hope that all Farang still love Thai girl coz we love u so much.. Please do double check with ur gf that she is really good or not (i know it’s hard to check) before u get marry or have more deep relationship with her then u won’t to much up set.
When u found something bad from some of Thai girl please do not say “Thai girl” ok? We have heart too.
If u r Farang and wanna talk to me about Thai girl or Thailand or anything u can chat with me at my msn id here “iwontgiveittoyou@hotmail.com”
Good Luck all Farang Guys.. Love U..
December 15th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
All of this is common sense really - I discovered most of Matt’s (err, Danny’s) points above within the first few months of living here. Come on, there are TONS of “good girls”, whatever net writers wish to coin these lovely women as. A lot of the “dont trust ‘em, theyre after your many” stuff is hype and is similar to the tabloid “Michael Jackson is really an alien” garbage, which, when said and done, actually makes decent $$$ for publishers, which is a shame but the sad truth. Most of this stuff is aimed at people who deserve that type - likely some “dregs of society”, some types who would relish tabloid-type material. This is all basically common sense and easy to see if you’re not a strung-out 45-50 y/o nearly broke and looking for action (and perhaps teaching English to get by)…
January 1st, 2008 at 3:29 pm
i believe most of thai girls like money.i have been there many times.i am asian guy but i live europe.most of european ppls said to me most of girls are perfect for make sex cus they know very well how to suck ………………really its a funny.
January 6th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
What the hell? Noone cares about how much you think your asian ass is misunderstood. You must be pretty insecure to need to talk yourself up this way. Maye you are a hooker? Or you likely dress and act like you, but wan to be taken seriously. Go smoke some more meth slut.
January 11th, 2008 at 7:51 am
many thai woman very good woman and work at company, not all at same
February 5th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
if you want to meet guys and girls world wide go to plentoffish.com .it is totaly free to use and chatting is also free….i have chatted to thai ladies on here and will be going to thai soon,and this was a good starting point to meet ladies from thai…..i hope to meet some good people while there and if the right lady does happen so be it!!!!!!some on here mabe be good some bad use your own discresion……
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:14 am
I agree with Sean. Check out plentyoffish.com completely free.
Don’t stereotype anyone, be patient and take your time to get to know them. Always remember not to judge a book by it’s cover.
March 19th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
That was a very interesting view and everything you said seems to be just the case. I only spent 6 weeks in thailand but completely have the same point of view. You simply cannot put a whole nation of people into one catorgory! There is definately a misconception about thailand and maybe as time goes on and more is known about the country people might start to realise that thai girls are humans too. I have met many different girls from different countries and i have to say that thai girls are the most kind, loving and generous girls you can meet..